I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
