I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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