Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
