i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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