The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
