I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
