He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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