girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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