I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
