Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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