Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
