I met the friendliest cop last night
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
