Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
