You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
