Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
