I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
