if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
