hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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