before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
