I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
