I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
