her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
worst night to have a conscience
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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