i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
