I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
