note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Damn victory sex feels great
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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