can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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