the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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