On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
