I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
