my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
