Say something about gay babies.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
