on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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