he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
