if i can run in heels then i can drive
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
