I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
