honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
