Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
