i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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