Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
