Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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