She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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