My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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