Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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