just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
