I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
