Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
