I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
