i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
