Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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