based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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