If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
