Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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