I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
