ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
